Watching Camille struggle, suffer, go through what I was putting her through gave me feelings that I could not ignore. With Margot we were lovers before we started playing our games. I can say the same of most women I've been with. They either accepted this, as part of me, in our relationship or they didn't. But it always came while we had something going on, it was part of our sex life.

In this case, as it was in the case of Rossie, this was not part of our intimate life. We don't have an intimate life, we're not a couple. So, having these feelings was not good. It was frustrating. I could not go to Camille, untie her and make love to her, like I wanted. We were working, that's all.

Looking at Camille, her face marked with blood, her chest, her legs, equally marke, her rag ripped, her skin exposed... I could not avoid but to feel like I should make love to her.

There was a point in my life, very early on, when I had to accept this part of me, which makes the whole of me. It came early in life, before I was aware of anything. Before my first day in church, before school, before I saw my first movie, before I learned how to ready, before anything I remember. THIS was there.

The sight of Camille as a tortured beauty should be a scary sight. It shouldn't be the glorious sight of passion, of love, of sex. And yet it was and it was powerful. Not only Camille, of course, but all the women ... well most of the women I shared my life and my love with.

There was a point in my life when I said to myself that THIS was me. It always was and it will always be. When I accepted that, I was free. But it wasn't easy to get to that point. I struggle. I fought very hard ... and I was very young while doing it so. I thought that I had to win over the force that was behind everything I did. It was so hard to win, to fight THIS. I didn't uderstand its power, I didn't know where it came from, but I knew it was there. I knew it had been there before I was born.

Camille, on this shot, was the victim of a monster. A monster who got his kicks out of her suffering, a monster that had to torture and kill. In fact, a monster very much like me, except that I'm not the monster. What made me write that character?

But my monster does not love. He kills because that's the price he makes his clients pay. It's a ritual of blood he demand of his clients because he fulfilled their greedy needs of wealth and power. And yes, he gets his kicks as well.

I had to make Camille understand that she could love that monster because she could not see beyond the surface. She could not know him. It had to be a total surprise to learn about him when she trusted him the most.