After our first session we did it again and
again, we ended up doing ten session.
We never expected to do as many sessions as
we did. We wanted to make one, study it, erase it and
forget all about it. But as our experience grew in intensity,
the tapes grew in quality, my performance became more
realistic.
There was no way we were going to erase these
tapes.
This passion translated not only in our physical
love, but in a bond that goes beyond sex. One that lives
today in its full dimension. So this is also a love story.
We were already in love, we had already been together
for a couple of years, we made a film and a mini-series,
we travelled together to Europe, we made love in the beaches
of Alicante and on the train... on the route from Kholn
to Zurich or from Rome to Firenze .. or from Paris to
Madrid.... and everywhere in between. The Railways of
Europe were our moving bed.
He left me in France for a few months so I
could take my bac exams. When I left France later that
year I had changed. We were no longer the same couple.
This was painful for both. We put that pain into our lives
and into our work. We were loving each other, we were
bonding, and we were breaking up.
The conflict of the young woman against her
father, became the conflict of Camille against her lover
and father figure. All of a sudden I was growing up again.
I had jumped from a silly teenager to a woman leaving
something not explored in the process.
This need to go back to a process I jumped
over came to haunt me.
One day I was living with my mother, the next
I was living with my lover.... one day I was a dependant
in the houshold, the next I was the woman of the house,
with servants, a man in my bed every night and a budget
to administer. My mother was coming to me for advise,
and I became her mother figure... she became my daughter.
And that was not all. From being a student
I jumped to be a proffessional who appeared in TV guides
and newspapers and television.
I lived like that for more than two years...
and then Bang! .... I wanted to be a teenager all over
again.. I wanted to party, act irresponsibly, go to raves
and meet guys and more guys.... It was with this desire
for freedom that I began to build the character that would
end on the cross over and over again.
I conquered my independence, I reached the
freedom I was looking for, but that happened much later.
During those days I was living my via crucis
Both inside and out..
There's a chapter to this story that comes
before this session, my last crucifixion in the tropics.
The last time where we were still trying out scenarios
innocently. Where I had still not told JJ that I wanted
out. That I had found another me who wanted more of life,
that wanted to learn and live her age.
The day after we made that last session in
the tropics, we were walking on the dirt road under the
terribly hot sun. I was wearing this very sexy jeans with
holes around my ass... and JJ was very happy because we
made love like mad beasts... When we were on that dirt
road I told him what I had wanted to tell him for a couple
of months now, that I wanted out of our relationship..
He thought he was going to die. That day my
via crucis began.
