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| The
Via Crucis of Camille - Crux 2 - The Thief |
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The story of Camille's training to the cross
The second session of Camille's Via Crucis took
place a few days later. JJ was thrilled with the results
of the first. He commented to me at one point that he had
finally done the full event of what we had tried before.
He went through the process of a crucifixion
with Camille except for the walk, the famous walk that once
he tried to do with me, except that he wanted me to go on
my knees. He placed the beam over my shoulders, told me
to get on my knees and go from one end of the room to the
other.
I didn't think it would be hard, but I was a
bit miffed then, I don't know why, so I refused.
I think it was a great frustration for JJ, but
I'm very stubborn and when someone wants to force me to
do something I just don't. He could've been more polite.
We worked a few times after that event, including
one interesting crucifixion where he put these nails on
my hands and the blood ran down my wrists in a poetic way.
I said "Wow!" then, and I meant it.
He had mastered the nailing part by the time
he began to work with Camille. It was the process before
and after the nailing that he was most interested in. |
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JJ wasn't feeling very good then. I knew things were not
going well for the couple. I had flashes of the time when
I broke up with him, for very different reasons, my reasons,
everyone has their own reasons to end a relationship. It
was then that I learned that JJ was very sensitive to rejection.
He grew up surrounded by women, his aunts and cousins, the
male figures in his life were not very strong or present
except for his father.
He was the first born of the youngest sister of a family
of 11 siblings, mostly women. So, when he was born, everyone
in the family went nuts for him. He was spoiled from day
1 and everyone loved him, so it was very hard for him to
accept that he wasn't but adored and worshiped by us.
If a person hurts when someone pushes him/her away, JJ
hurts twice as much because he can't understand why.
He was going through that process when he and Camille worked
on the crucifixion stories we now call The Via
Crucis of Camille. In fact he was going through
his very own via dolorosa.
He carried his emotional pain while Camille had to deal
with her physical pain.
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The
set for The Via Crucis of Camille |
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The story of Camille Via Crucis from the horse's
mouth..
My life was a mess during those painful and
yet magical days. Love can be powerful, but pain is more
powerful when it's brought about by the loss of love.
I felt that pain too. Perhaps I threw myself
into the experience of the physical pain to drown the emotional
pain I was going through.
I hated the idea of leaving JJ the way I was doing it. But
I felt very strongly that it had to be done. My life was
still full of blank pages, many, many blank pages and I
had a hard time imagining myself not experiencing the future
at its fullest, with all its possibilities. I wasn't ready
to settle with one man forever. I wasn't ready to become
what I was becoming.
I had to have my freedom but I wanted to have
his love as well. I didn't want to lose him while at the
same time I didn't want him to have me.
The old saying, to have my cake and eat it too,
was very true in this case. I wanted him in my life but
I didn't want to be in his, not the way he wanted me to
be.
I felt that I had become something more than
a person for him. More than just a girl you made love to
and get love from. I was afraid. Not afraid of him but afraid
of becoming a fantasy.
I thought that after the session we had he was
going to be happy but no. He wanted more. And I have to
admit that I wanted more too. I was learning something,
something big, something intense, something beautiful and
I didn't want to stop, not yet.
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| He told me a story
before we started working. First he mentioned parts of the
script, the famous script he keeps bringing up in our sessions.
In one part, he says, the woman in the story, her name is
Maricelli, imagines herself in the place of her father's
slave, a black man, a rebel. He's captured after his escape
from the plantation and brought to his master who orders
his punishment. As he is lead away, Maricelli sees him looking
back, a big log over his shoulders, smiling with those bright
big teeth of him, his back bleeding from the lash. She then
sees herself in his place, her back bleeding from the lash,
smiling in her pain as she's lead away. That's a powerful
scene in the script and he told me that in this session
he wanted to do a scene like that, where I would look defiant
in my pain.
He also told me the story for the session,
the story of a young slave woman who runs away and has an
awful ending. That was going to be the background story
for the second session.
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