April 10th.

JJ is sleeping by my side, it's late night and I have a low light to read. We sleep up in the attic, it's nice here, it's usually the library but for the moment it's my bedroom, we have a nice mattress on the floor, and I placed photos on the walls, including the poster where I'm prominent. It's nice to see myself there, but at the same time it's very estrange, like it's not me.

Tomorrow we're going to Paris and then off to tour Europe, we have some meetings in Germany and later in Italy. Life with JJ is exciting.

We had so much fun when he made me play the saint in the woods.

After I whipped him he jumped down and told me... "Now you are in trouble".

When we went to shoot the video in the woods I was a bit apprehensive.

The place was empty and it was cool, windy ... winter was still lingering. He showed me the tree he selected, actually it was two trunks forming a V, I was going to be placed there, whipped and shot with arrows.

The story is like this. The victim, me, is dragged to the forest to be executed. I'll tell the story in first person, the way I felt it.

The executioner drags me through the forest, a thick forest, my rags get stuck on branches along the way. I'm barefoot so the rocks and thorns hurt my feet, I walk slowly, pulled by the rope attached to my wrists. After what looked like a forever walk we reach the site of my execution.

I see it's a tree with two thick branches forming a V

I'm dragged to the the V, at first I face the trunks but suddenly the executioner turns me violently around, I face him now. I'm afraid.

He grabs the ropes and unties me. I'm afraid, so I don't move, I try to look into his eyes but he doesn't allow it. He grabs my wrist and pulls my arm to one of the trunks. He's not holding a rope, just my hand, I wonder how he's going to fasten me to the tree. Then I notice, on the back of the tree trunk there's a cut branch sticking out like a knife. He opens the palm of my hand, places the sharp point of the stick in the middle of my hand, I look at him almost doubting what I think is going to happen.

Suddenly a pain, a paralysing pain shot up my body as he very quickly pushes my hand and impales it with the sharp stick. I can hardly realize what's happening when he takes my other hand and pulling me, stretching my arms in a cross, impales it as well. A black cloud covers my eyes. I feel no more, but I'm taken back to reality when my foot is impaled on another spike and then my other foot, on top. Now I can't go away into darkness... the pain is too overpowering.