| July
20th
I'm very anxious, the day is approaching, I'll
be in front of cameras, with a lot of people around
me. I'm scared. I'm afraid of dissappointing Jan,
of not doing a good job. He choose me over all the
other girls and I would hate it if I fail.
July 22nd
We went to rehearse to the location. It was
a dress rehearsal. We were going to go through most
of the scenes in this location. It is the cliff
where I'm thrown after being killed.
We'll begin shooting in one week, so everybody
is tense, specially Margot. She's freaking out,
I think she's jealous. Marie is also part of the
crew and she's also jealous but not as much, she's
a very submissive woman, she has been Jan's lover
on and off, she started it.
I know she enjoys being whipped. She's also
an actress but she's mostly interested in production,
she's a production assistant, but she has a small
part as well, she's a previous victim of the killer,
a young, poor prostitute who falls in love with
the killer. She only has one scene where she's killed
very violently. She wanted to play the part because
she knew she would be tortured.
I saw one rehearsal where she's strang up
and tortured slowly. She did it very well, her screams
were scary, realistic. At the rehearsal I had a
fight with Margot, she claims I'm trying to control
things. I didn't want to do something silly, even
if it was in the script. I got hysterical when Margot
told me to shut up, so I left the location, they
had to rehearse with a stand in.
July 23th
I rehearsed my death again. Jan enjoys it a
bit more than other scenes, now it has become our
little time together. He wont play the killer in
the film, but he plays him in the rehearsals with
me. I think he enjoys torturing me. His theory is
that we should go beyond the story that will be
on screen and go to what will remain in the audience's
imagination.
He strips me and whips me. In the film I'll
be hanging with ripped clothes and bleeding and
perhaps two or three strokes will be shown but in
the rehearsal he whips me as it would be in real
life.
The second time we rehearsed Jan dragged me
in a very realistic way to the torture place. He
first tied my hands together, by my wrists, and
strang me up, my arms raised over my head. My wrists
were hurting before we even started, but I didn't
want to show I hurt. He blindfolded me, pressing
the blindfold a bit too hard. He then covered my
mouth with scotch tape, and left me there, it was
dark, I was in pain and I couldn't even complain.
I was strang up like that for some time, wondering
when will he start. He was preparing the whip and
the camera, he was going to shoot the rehearsal
all by himself. |
